eSpecially Ben

Marjorie and her grandson, Graham Guest post by Marjorie Frick My name is Gee or Grammy depending on which grandchild you ask. I have been blessed to raise two daughters and have five grandchildren, four boys and a girl, all under the age of six. Our oldest grandchild, Graham, was born with a rare genetic disorder called Cri du Chat or 5p- . It is a deletion on the p arm of the fifth chromosome.  During the first few months of Graham’s life, we began to pick up on small clues that there might be something amiss. My daughter fought to be referred to specialists and to get some therapies started.  Graham was missing some milestones. Two of the biggest issues were feeding difficulties and sleep.  After receiving genetic counseling, we finally got a diagnosis at about seven months old. This was one of the worst days of my life.  It helped me see that one of my most important roles in being a grandparent to Graham was to be a parent to my daughte...

  "Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities" is a series on eSpeciallyBen. As Ben approached 18, it was clear our role changed as parents. We needed to help Ben transition into adulthood. These stories are meant to assist other families who face, or will face, some of the same challenges. Talking About the Future Guest Post - Matt Wilson Legal Guardianship, Medicaid and SSI Researching Group Homes Questions to Ask at a Group Home Visit Referral Packet for Group Homes Getting Assistance from a Care Manager From Group Home Placement to Discharge Reaching for Independence

This was first published in 2013 and unfortunately, we're having some of the same behaviors again. Ben's been waking at 2 a.m., not knowing exactly what he wants and where he wants to be. On some of the worst nights, he moves from his bed to the couch to the refrigerator, then to his favorite armchair and back to his bed again.  This takes at least an hour and I am following behind him as he makes his way. It would be unsafe to leave him to his own devices in the middle of the night.  Since this post in 2013, we have charted Ben's sleep, daily routines and behaviors. We've noted that he wakes 10-15 times a night each month. It doesn't seem related to how much activity he's had during the day or what food he's eaten. Many families with a child with a disability face sleep issues. Sleeping pills, essential oils, solid bed routines and begging our child to sleep don't seem to work all the time. If you see us walking around, looking like zombies, this could ...

  In 2012, the editor of Charlotte Parent asked me to write a short story about Ben for the magazine's April issue. " A Goal of Independence " was my first published piece and the beginning of my career as a professional writer.  When I wrote the story, Ben was 8-years-old. At the time, I recognized how important it was for us to assist Ben in becoming independent. As a mom, it's hard to let go and easy to just do the task for them. I shared an example in the Charlotte Parent story: Ben's brothers scolded me for feeding Ben, rather than letting him feed himself  Ben is almost 19-years-old. He’s lived 90 miles away from us for six months in an alternate family living situation. Although we visited him two to three times a month, I didn't notice how much he matured until we brought him home in mid-March.  He's calmer, more alert and attentive. We've been able to decrease behavior and sleep medications significantly. We'd tried this in 2020 with disa...

If you’re a parent of a child in school and that child has a special need, you have experienced the IEP – Individual Education Plan - meeting. Endless information about IEP documents and meetings can be found at conferences and in magazines, books and websites. Unfortunately, there are many horror stories about IEPs. Anxiety, fear and dread would probably be on most people’s list of how they feel about the meeting. I don’t dread IEP meetings anymore. I believe they can lead to creating successful goals for your child and the meetings can be done with little stress and anxiety.  Here are six suggestions based on what I’ve learned from researching and participating in IEP meetings for the past 16 years: Treat them to food. Donuts, muffins, cookies and juice and/or coffee make friends. Food puts everyone in a good mood, and it makes the atmosphere less tense. And in some cases, it may serve a very practical purpose - teachers and other school staff do not get much time to eat dur...

  Last August, we moved Ben into an alternative family living (AFL) placement, about 90 minutes from our home in Charlotte. It was a three-bedroom house and Ben was given the largest bedroom with its own bathroom.  A typical AFL in North Carolina operates like this: a person with disabilities, the client, moves in with another family, couple or an individual. The client lives in the family’s home and the family receives payment in return for housing, feeding and caring for the client.  Ben’s AFL was unusual: A couple with extensive caregiving experience wanted to run a three-bed group home but needed to apply for the license through the state. They were willing to take Ben as the first resident in a house, separate from the one they lived in. The plan, according to the couple, was to get approval for the group home within a couple of months.  We ordered Ben a double bed, headboard, 54-inch television, new sheets, towels and blankets. Friends helped us move him in....

If you're looking for a creative way to make your morning routine smoother, this is something I did when our boys were young. To clear up any confusion about our boys: At 10 years old, Logan chose to go by his middle name, Michael.  This was first published in 2010. Our mornings are hectic just like everyone else's. I found myself yelling more than I like to so I came up with this crazy idea - and it's working. We all went to the trophy store and chose three trophies. The trophies were "engraved" with one of these: Today's Winner: Good Breakfast Eater Today's Winner: Excellent at Following Directions Today's Winner: Showing Good Behavior Rules: Each morning, Ben, Logan and Sean have the opportunity to receive one or more of the trophies. At the end of the morning, they may be presented with a trophy.  Not everyone has to get a trophy.  The winner keeps the trophy in their room for the day (think Stanley Cup).  At night, the trophy goes back...