eSpecially Ben

June 2010 June 2010 Hindsight is 20/20: These photos should have been our warning. The day we arrived in NY for the Thanksgiving holiday, we saw my sister's children - Jackson, Ethan and Samantha. Samantha is two years old and loves Ben. We have been fortunate to see the cousins quite a bit this summer so the kids feel comfortable around each other. We also reinforce the relationships with family videos from our times together. Samantha has known how to say Ben's name for a long time and talks about him to my sister quite a bit. Seeing Ben is a big deal to her. My sister does a good job talking to her kids about Ben and helping them understand that he communicates differently than other kids. She explains how Ben loves each one of them, but may express it differently. Ben loves his cousins too. We watch the same videos and look at the same photos they do. Ben's favorite home video is Family #4 which features a mountain trip with the cousins. Ben literally gasps...

Ben, Logan and I saw How to Train Your Dragon on Saturday. I went in with little to no expectations. After seeing it, this movie will go on my list of all-time favorites. The music, scenery and characters were superb. The story was a beautiful one. It had two simple messages: Believe in your child. If you've had the same solution for a problem and it has not worked, try something completely different. I will keep these two lessons close to me as I go through life. They are easy to understand, easy to facilitate and easy to forget in times of stress, lack of sleep and pressure. And if while reading this, you pictured us sitting three in a row, sharing popcorn and pop, watching the movie in silence...it was not quite like that. Ben complained loudly and grabbed at me non-stop in the beginning. After a few seat changes (on my lap, off my lap, next to me, out of his chair, in his chair, laying down, 10th row up, 4th row up) and a sad thought that we may have to leave the theat...

When Ben started school when he was two years old, my mom said, what I thought at the time was, the strangest thing. She said, “Make sure Ben always looks neat and is clean.” Like any daughter might, I thought she was crazy. Why of course Ben will be neat and clean, I would never let him out of the house any other way. Four years later, I still think about that comment. I make sure that Ben looks his best everyday – his hair is neat, clothes clean. There was a time when I gave Ben a bath every morning before school so his hair looked just right, but I gave that up after son #3 was born. And I realized it was a bit obsessive too. Now I keep his hair short and he gets a bath and a shampoo every night. Ben does have beautiful yet unruly hair. Our children with special needs may look and act differently, raise eyebrows and get stares. The last thing we want is for their hair to be a mess, clothes dirty or disheveled. I get what my mom was saying - Ben's different, but don't mak...

One of my very best friends from a long time ago called me last week to talk about her baby who is undergoing testing for medical and developmental issues. Understandably, she is upset, sad, tired, discouraged…all the normal feelings you have when you find out your child has special needs. In the middle of her sharing about her difficult time, she apologized for not being there for me when I was going through the same thing several years ago. She told me she never understood what I was going through until now. She wished she had been a better friend to me back then. I was dumbstruck when she said it. I kind of blew it off and told her not to even give it a second thought. And I meant for her to not give it a second thought. I, on the other hand, have given it many thoughts. I even cried when we got off the phone (and remember I am not a crier.) For someone to say what she said to me meant a lot. I have no anger or bad feelings to anyone who does not understand what we we...