eSpecially Ben

  My first personal essay was published in Our State this month. I talk about Ben's adventurous spirit in  Unlimited Possibilities .

Logan has had these strange bumps on the side of his face, just below the ear lobe. They felt like pebbles under the surface of his skin. They seemed to develop after he fell a few years ago. Because of the pain they caused Logan whenever we touch that area, we finally took him to a plastic surgeon for a consultation. We learned that they were most likely not scar tissue from the fall. It was in fact something else, fairly common, but  needed to be removed and sent to pathology. The doctor assured us that it would be benign. At the appointment, Logan asked how they would remove the bumps. The doctor went into a fairly detailed explanation that included the words knife and cutting. Logan freaked out. And Logan does freak-out really well. I quickly gave the doctor the evil eye and told Logan they would suck it out of his ear. He stopped crying immediately, I think he was trying to imagine how that would work. Then the doctor gave me the evil eye. I was later admonished for my wh...

Logan has a list of jobs to do each morning, ranging from putting away the clean dishes to making his bed. As he gets older, I intended to add more responsibilities to his list of jobs. Then it occurred to me that a long list of items to complete and check-off is not exactly what I want to teach my children. I want them to develop the ability to decide what needs to be done and then do it while gaining independence and a sense of worth through setting and completing their own goals. Completing a list someone else gives you will only get you so far in life. I thought of two areas that I think are the most important for a five year old - Taking Initiative and Finding Solutions. After asking my husband what he thought of my idea and getting a kind of crazy look, I went ahead with my plan. Once I get something in my head, there's no stopping me. Since that day, my husband has seen the wisdom of this idea and makes a point to talk about our two initiatives with Logan.  When I talk...

Last week, in response to being annoyed with each other, Logan and Sean used choking, hitting and pushing to settle their differences. My challenge was not to yell until I lost my voice, so I calmly (calm for me) gave out time outs with privileges revoked. They each lost their prized activities - Sean lost TV time and Logan lost playtime. In addition to having to sit in our bedroom after school until bedtime, I asked Logan to draw a picture of brothers getting along and then write a story to accompany it. This is what I got: Notice the check marks on the top drawing and the X's on the bottom drawing. They depict what is good behavior and bad behavior. Logan's words: If you do not push somebody it will be fun for everybody. If somebody pushes you you do not push back. And I am shamelessly promoting my recent nomination as a finalist to the About.com Readers' Choice Awards. Please take a moment to vote at vote.

Jealousy reared its ugly head this morning. It is a natural emotion, but ugly all the same. As I have said before, Logan has a list of jobs in the morning before school. They range from making his bed and straightening his room to putting away the silverware each morning. Sean has a list too, but he is not yet three and less is expected of him. Ben does not have any jobs to do. When jobs are complete, they may play. Logan is the middle child. In his 5 year old mind, he is stuck in that place in between two brothers who definitely have it better than him. His comment this morning was, "I wish I were Ben." Of course, I asked why because sometimes his answers are an insight into his psyche. Logan's answer, "Because Ben does not have a list" did indeed open up the doors to his way of thinking. I am surprised that anger was not my first emotion. Instead, I wanted to cry. I responded with, "Logan, what you said makes me sad. Please think about what you just s...

I have never liked that game - Who do you love more: Me or Daddy? Sean or Ben? It is a close relative to another one of my not-so-favorite questions, Who would you save from a boat if you could only choose one? Logan has reached that age where he likes to pose these uncomfortable questions knowing it makes us squirm. Tonight, I had the rare occasion to snuggle with both Logan and Ben. Logan knows that Ben has a lot of love for him. If Logan is in the room, everyone else is chopped liver. Ben stares at Logan, "talks" to him, tries to climb next to him - he is clearly the favorite based on this behavior. And Logan is very proud of the fact that he is the favorite. During this somewhat quiet time on the sofa, Logan decided to take some photos of Ben. Then he asked Ben who he loved more: Mommy or Me? Ben could not climb over me fast enough to lay on top of Logan. Ben stayed there for quite awhile too, just snuggling on Logan. Logan re-asked the question several times, and...

All three boys sucked their thumb from early infancy. Ben was the only one to give it up at two years old, go figure. Logan is five and sucking away. We have tried over the past few years to help him give up the habit. With the start of Kindergarten and being around older kids, we counted on peer pressure to end the habit. We mentioned to Logan that his friends would make fun of him. Later that day, I heard Logan asking a friend if he minded the thumb sucking. His friend shrugged, and said, "I don't mind." Well that was the end of that idea. At the dentist recently, I asked him to talk with Logan about thumb sucking. Logan shared his reasons for thumb sucking - it makes his mouth feel good. He suggested to Logan that he find another way to get to that happy place. Well it seems the $1 Store is that happy place. Each day that Logan does not suck his thumb he can pick from a bag of goodies he chose from the $1 Store. So far it is working. I do think the talk with the ...

While I was reading to Logan, I left Ben and Sean to their own devices. Ben was in the library watching his usual Bob the Builder video and Sean was just hanging out. When I came back about 20 minutes later, I noticed Sean sitting in front of Ben's second bowl of oatmeal and it was almost empty. I watched as Sean got a spoonful, climbed down from the chair, walked across the hall to Ben and fed the oatmeal to him. He did it two more times until the bowl was empty. He must have been doing it the whole time I was away. Can't even use words to describe how I feel when I witness this type of understanding, love and caring, especially from such a little guy. Sean will be two in March.