Skip to main content

Left Out Phenomenon

Lately when pushing Ben in his wheelchair, people I know, say hello to me and not to Ben. And if you are thinking, they might be saying hello to both of us, think again. They are using the words, "Hi Vanessa." And yes, they know Ben's name.

It is easy to depersonalize a situation when someone is in a device that is passive, like a stroller or wheelchair. I do believe that if Ben was in his walker, he'd be acknowledged.

I have not figured out a diplomatic way to handle this yet, but I will. If you have a suggestion, feel free to send it my way.

Comments

  1. JuniorJanuary 20, 2012 at 5:32 PM

    we deal with this same issue and I have yet to come up with a good way to remedy it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Roger GemelleJanuary 21, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    So your pushing Bens rocket sled down the street and "Aice" walks by and says "Hi Vanessa!" Without missing a beat (And before you say anything else) you say "Say Hi to Alice Ben!"
    Now maybe Ben won't do that ... but if you do it religiously, EVENTUALLY Alice is going to say "Hi Vannessa, Hi Ben".
    Betcha! XXX

    ReplyDelete
  3. VMIJanuary 21, 2012 at 10:15 PM

    Roger - I have been toying with that very idea and since you suggested it, I will try it. Thanks for giving me the extra push I needed!

    ReplyDelete
  4. VMIJanuary 22, 2012 at 4:45 PM

    Just got another good idea on how to respond, "Ben, look who it is, Jane X." I may try that one too. I think a more passive approach is better so that people get the hint without feeling attacked. Thank you for the ideas.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Faith WhiteJanuary 23, 2012 at 4:29 PM

    I was going to suggest the same idea Roger had. Maybe it is a winner!

    I have to be intentional when I greet Ben or others in "devices" and it's hard. I wonder why our brains shut out some people when our heart NEVER would...nor does it want to!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. If you wish to contact me directly, please let me know and I will email you.

Popular posts from this blog

Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities

  "Parenting an Adult Child with Disabilities" is a series on eSpeciallyBen. As Ben approached 18, it was clear our role changed as parents. We needed to help Ben transition into adulthood. These stories are meant to assist other families who face, or will face, some of the same challenges. Talking About the Future Guest Post - Matt Wilson Legal Guardianship, Medicaid and SSI Researching Group Homes Questions to Ask at a Group Home Visit Referral Packet for Group Homes Getting Assistance from a Care Manager From Group Home Placement to Discharge Reaching for Independence
1 comment
Read more

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

After my post, Brotherly Love , I received an email from a reader who reminded me of this song. I knew the song, but had never really thought about the words and the meaning behind them. I looked it up and thought others might see the lyrics in a new light.   He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother The road is long With many a winding turn That leads us to who knows where Who knows when But I'm strong Strong enough to carry him He ain't heavy, he's my brother. So on we go His welfare is of my concern No burden is he to bear We'll get there For I know He would not encumber me If I'm laden at all I'm laden with sadness That everyone's heart Isn't filled with the gladness Of love for one another. It's a long, long road From which there is no return While we're on the way to there Why not share And the load Doesn't weigh me down at all He ain't heavy, he's my brother. He's my brother He ain't h
1 comment
Read more

Make this Race Amazing

Mecklenburg County's Therapeutic Recreation's Amazing Race is Saturday, March 24, 2012. All funds raised go directly to the scholarship fund for summer camp. Summer Camp is 8 weeks long with over 150 children with special needs participating. Last year, over $6,500 was given away in scholarships. In times of budget cuts and loss of resources, Amazing Race is a creative way for the staff to raise money for the children who may need financial assistance attending camp. I will be posting photos from 2011 camp. I am only posting photos that do not show faces of the children, but you will get the idea about how much they enjoy the activities. You don't have to see their smiles, you just have to feel them. The staff have sent me their thoughts on how they feel about camp and I will be posting those as well. Most are trained as recreational therapists and have devoted their life's work to helping children and adults with special needs learn skills, make friends, de
Post a Comment
Read more